Reflections of a blank canvas

So from the get-go we can all agree I suck at meditation, and failed miserably in my attempt to gain a more enlightened life this month.

I did succeed however in not succumbing to the lure of the paint-box aka my make-up kit for a whole 31 days. Although admittedly I know on three occasions when I may have had a sneaky swipe of the mascara over the top lashes but like I said at the start there's not wearing make up and then there's looking dead....

Funnily enough I missed it. Not so much the act of putting it on - my mornings are infinitely better without standing in front of the mirror for 20 minutes - but the way it makes you feel. Especially my eye make-up. I can happily go without the foundation, blush, bronzer and the like but I have missed the added sparkle in my eye that can only be seen through thick, open lashes and a spattering of eye shadow.

Plus I really do look tired without it.

I also realised that no one really seemed to notice the change and I'm still not sure whether that's a good thing or not. I guess the best way to tell will be when I'm back in at work tomorrow with my "game face" on.

All in all I found it a frankly refreshing experience and one that I do think I'll continue on some level: until the next night out anyway!

One day to go and not a golf ball in sight...

So this is the month my life decided to catch up with me.

When I first started this project, sure my life was busy but it wasn't chaotic! Between picking up additional responsibilities at work (which I'm stoked about!!), the start of the cricket season and an increase in social invitations I find myself begging for even 2 minutes to spend on my own away from the world: so you would think that meditation would suit me.

Sadly this increase in life activities has meant I haven't found the time to breathe deeply, close by eyes and listen to the Tibetan bowls. Plus, I've just realised I haven't even taken one of my new clubs out of the bag let alone had a golf lesson, so my show-down with my brother at Christmas could be a decidedly one-sided affair: though admittedly, he'll kick my butt even if I do have lessons!

But with 24 hours to go I have realised that although I may not have bathed myself in candlelight each night clearing my head of the worries of the day, I have increased the length and frequency of my daily walks - and I find this much more relaxing and calming that sitting in a dark room feeling like a twit!

Still, I'll hopefully give meditation a couple my chances before midnight tomorrow: might even hit a few gold balls too!!

I'm vain, so sue me

For those interested from yesterday's poll I decided to go with option 3.

It's one thing for me to say people should respect me for the job I do instead of how I look when they know me, it's another for total strangers to think I'm professional and capable when there's a photo of me with a pimple breakout across my forehead.

I'm kinda vain...what would you do?

Just when I thought this whole wearing no make-up thing was getting easy, a curve ball gets thrown my way.

I have been invited to speak at a conference early next year and as is usually the case with these kind of things in my world (for my bosses anyway), organisers of the conference like to have pictures of their speakers sent through for inclusion in the conference program: therein is my problem.

I have a staff photo I can use but it's outdated and I look a little young so I asked our in-house photographer if she could take a new one for me tomorrow - before I remembered I won't have make-up on.

So, I have three options:

1. Have the photo taken au naturale
2. Cheat and wear make-up to work tomorrow
3. Lie to the organisers and tell them I need to wait for said photographer to return to work on 1 November

What would you do?

Progress.....finally!!

After a day spent at cricket I thought today would be an optimum time to really give meditation a good crack.

Hubby got a lift to the pub and I headed home and jumped straight into the shower before nestling down into my corner clean, warm and semi-relaxed.

The candle thing really isn't working for me so I thought I'd go back to music and tuned the laptop into "Shamanic Journey' and 'Chakra Meditation & Relaxation with Bamboo Flutes and Tibetan Singing Bowls" just for something to different.

I'm amazed to say that it worked.

Although my mind wandered to the mundane, daily thoughts of what I needed to do during "Shamanic Journey" - I'm sure a trip to Woolies was not the journey the Shamans had in mind with their music - by time the the bamboo flutes had kicked in I had drifted off into a deep mindlessness where thoughts of groceries had been replaced with floating shapes and colours.

Once the music had ended my eyes opened and I felt calm, together and ready to head to the club for dinner and a glass of wine.

Not that I need to be too relaxed for that of course ;-)

Hands up if you'd like to go through puberty again. No? I didn't think so....

So as I conscientiously sat down to partake in my second and third meditation lessons, I was immediately turned off by the subject matter and precis of lesson 2:

In class 2, you will discover the meaning of life.

Right

Am I the only person who doesn't give a crap about the meaning of life and why we're here? Yes I want to be fulfilled, I want to be loved, I want to cherish every moment I have on this planet but as to why I exist I really don't care to speculate: I'm just very, very glad that I do. Plus, everyone knows the answer is 42 ;-)

So lesson 2 doesn't get off to the greatest of starts, but I carry on regardless telling myself that given meditation is about getting in touch with one's spiritual side of course the most spiritual of questions is bound to get a mention. I scroll over the references to 'god' 'wonderment' and 'aha moments' pause briefly on the quote from Yoda before getting to the crux of my lesson: the exercise.

Gone is the candle and in is the visualisation of the 'drop' aka earth. The basic premise for today's exercise is that you begin by visualising yourself in the time before the big bang and you encounter a drop in the universe which tuns out to be earth. Next thing you know, you are the earth and you're ballooning to a massive size, sprouting weird looking growths from most areas, billions of fleas are making you their home and then wouldn't you know it, 75% of you gets covered in a cold liquid that is apparently your most important asset.

Basically you are visualising earth going through puberty. I don't know about the rest of you but going through puberty once was enough.

I think we're gonna need a bigger candle...

First night of "5 minute meditation" down and I've got to be honest: I haven't slept that badly since my first night in a feng shui-d bedroom.

Still, I will persevere but suspect the candle is to blame.

I've never been a candle person but have acquired a few over the past year and thought I had chosen rather nicely - it appears not.

The candle is in a glass holder type thing and it made the flame dance and bop about like it was in a nightclub - how are you supposed to concentrate and focus on that??

So I think the solution is a larger, holder-free candle.

Off for a shop tomorrow methinks

Meditation is like Swimming....

Clearly not managing to get the gist of meditation on my own, I decided to go on the search for some help. Enter the lovely folk of The Meditation Society of Australia (yes, one really does exist) at www.meditation.org.au and I'm starting to get a bit of an idea of what's going on.

The lesson starts by saying that meditation is an extremely simple process - yeah right. We start with our scattered thoughts (cook dinner, drive the car, etc), move into analytical thinking (when we're focused on one thing in particular), before arriving at our intuitive state, which was described as being like when a sportsman enters their 'zone' - this is meditation.

So the first thing I have to do is find an area of my home that will be dedicated purely to meditating: oh, and you have to make it 'inspirational.' The powers-that-be recommend covering a table with a light cloth, lighting a candle, placing fresh flowers next to it and even lighting some incense.

I don't find the above inspirational. Knowing my luck the incense would make me sneeze, the flowers would wilt and the candle would set the cloth on fire. Instead, I find my inspiration from the written word, so I  fashioned myself a little nook in the corner of the bedroom between my favourite literature and my writing gear. I even threw some cushions in to make it comfy :-) Oh and I do have a dedicated candle for the occasion.

The next step I don't quite understand: take a shower. Or if taking a shower is inconvenient, wash your face and hands. Still don't get it but righto

Next up sitting straight and relaxed, wearing comfy clothes (with bare feet) gets you ready to start. Five minutes a day - at the same time everyday - is a recommended starting point.

I can TOTALLY do that.

But when?

My society friends recommend first thing in the morning to set yourself up for the day. I go for a walk first thing in the morning so that doesn't work.  The other two optimal times are immediately after work to relieve stress - or to stop you bitch-slapping someone - or before bed to help you sleep more soundly.

I've decided that before bed fits best with my current schedule, unless I do happen to have a particularly stressful day and decide it's better for my marriage if I get calm before using sharp utensils.

So starting tonight I'll be meditating via candlelight for five minutes before bed. Unless I've eaten a big dinner. Meditating straight after eating is not recommended....

32 seconds is good right??

So as I mentioned in my last post I decided to try the meditation to music approach. After a rather hectic day at work which involved countless phone calls and emails between our office and Parliament House, I decided today would be a good day to embrace the world of meditation.

Having downloaded a selection of relaxation melodies last night, I decided to go with the aforementioned Tibetan Singing Bowl for Relaxation. Scented candle on the stand, comfy clothes and a nicely heated wheat bag to soothe my neck & shoulders and I'm ready to go.

Start time      - Wheat bag heated, go to light candle using the final match in the house: match goes out
1 min 0 sec   - The sound of rushing water fills the room followed by the tympanic sounds of....bowls??
3 min 0 sec   - itchy foot. Breathe through the pain
3 min 15 sec - scratch the damn foot
5 min 0 sec   - choke on own saliva. 30 second coughing fit
5 min 30 sec - slight back pain as result of coughing fit. Adjust position accordingly
6 min 15 sec - hear a crash from the kitchen: wonder what hubby has dropped now?
7 min 0 sec   - nose is itchy. No point waiting so just scratch it
8 min 30 sec - feeling of relaxation washes over me
9 min 2 sec   - music ends

Crap

Right, time to focus

As strange as it sounds, I'm finding it difficult to start meditating.

Constantly running through my head is 'I'm too busy," "I'll do it after xyz," and "I can start tomorrow." Which is of course what made me realise I REALLY need to start.

So what to do do? Well my weekend with my besties turned out to be quite educational as one of them is big into meditation and let me in on a few pointers, one of which involves meditating with music.

This appeals to me as I think it's the whole sitting still with no sound and just my own thoughts to occupy the time is kind of what's putting me off. Not that I have particularly crazy thoughts - just the opposite. I tend to think quite creatively when I take time out just to think - how do you think this blog started ;-)

So thoughts then turn to music choices. The obvious choices pop into my head: whale song and bird sounds among the most obvious, but a quick search on iTunes reveals many more options including my personal favourite:  Tibetan singing bowl for relaxation.

But then I discover something appalling: "Bella's Lullaby"

Honestly has Twilight permeated every facet of society that the past time of Tibetan monks isn't safe? 

Listening to something so teenage whilst embracing the oldest of activities seems a bit odd so I brush over that and instead focus on 'Inner Journey', 'Crystal Bowls' and 'Shamanic Journey.'

Ok, i guess it's now or never. All together "ummmmmmmmm"

So am I good at it, or I am bad at it?

Yesterday, three of my besties and I took in the delights of the annual "High Tea Party" in Sydney. There, whilst taking in the smells and delights of the various - but sadly few - stalls, stands and experiences, we undertook another favourite pasttime: people watching.

In between the lassies tottering about in 6 inch heels two sizes too big for them (honestly, why don't women buy shoes that fit??), and the divas who turned up in all their cocktail finery - including one ghastly number that made the wearer look like a toilet doll - two things became apparent to me:

1) I could have tried a bit harder with my outfit, and

2) Women wear an awful lot of make-up to look 'natural'

Ok so maybe sparkly blue eye-shadow and fake lashes aren't 'natural' and the users of said items are clearly trying to make a statement, but there are a fair few of us who spend considerable time applying make-up only so the we look 'natural' or to appear that we aren't trying to hard.

Is it just me or is that a bit screwed up? How natural is caking our faces with primer, concealer moisturiser, foundation, powder, blush / bronzer, eye shadow and mascara? Who's definition of 'natural' is this?

I can understand the self confidence point of view as I totally agree there's nothing worse than having a break out and thinking the whole world is staring at you, but I still think the above is a fair question to ask. 

I especially asked it after I re-visited a photo I had taken last year at the high tea party. I should point out that the two photos in question were taken by the same company, with the same people (albeit in slightly different poses), there was more natural lighting and last year, I was wearing make-up.

Now admittedly I didn't have the latest snap with me to make an accurate comparison as it is currently in my mate's car driving back down the Hume, but to my recollection I couldn't see much difference in my face between the two. If anything, I think I looked healthier yesterday.

So this now poses a problem: does that mean when I use make-up I've essentially mastered the 'au naturale' look, or does it mean I suck at it???

So not as easy a I thought...

Sadly I haven't had much time this week to start on my 'meditation trip' but one thing I have discovered alarmed me slightly...

There's more than one type of meditation! Who'd have thought?

The other thing I'm finding difficult is the whole not wearing mascara thing. Call me vain / shallow if you will but even with my lashes tinted I don't look right.

Maybe a few more days will get me over the hump??

Nail polish remover does not good toner make

Before it starts flitting around, I should point out one thing: I do NOT have perfect skin so it's not easier for me to go make-up free than it is for anyone else. I need to remove my make-up each night and wash my face each morning in n attempt to keep the blemishes, pimples and general tiredness away.

Which is why I found my bleary-eyed self reaching for my toner this morning, only to grab the nail polish remover instead.

oops!

There's not wearing make up, and then there's looking dead

I had originally thought I'd go through the lists on the right in the order that they're written but discussions with friends & family coupled with comments from followers have happily meant I can mix and match as I please. This month is a shining example.

Giving up: Wearing make-up
If you saw my post of last week, you'll know that a conversation came up with members of my family-in-law in relation to make-up and if you really can leave the house without it. I've had the same conversation with friends who think that women who turn up to work without make-up are completely unprofessional and clearly don't care about their appearance.

They're totally entitled to think that - I love them regardless - but I disagree profusely. I'm pretty sure people respect me at work because of the work I do and how I behave and perform, not because of the brand of make-up I wear or the amount of it I have on my face.  Also, think of how much extra time I'd have each morning if I didn't have to worry about making sure my foundation was blended properly and that the colour of my eyeshadow matched on each eye.

On the other hand though, I have incredibly pale skin and the whitest of eye lashes. I'm talking about eyelashes that are practically transparent. Not many people would know that because I ALWAYS apply mascara before I leave the house. This is because I look like death warmed up if I don't.

So, in lieu of wearing make-up I've had my eye lashes tinted and will apply tinted moisturiser - that's it.

Taking-up: Meditation
Four words: I....don't...get...it

I've tried it - once. As part of a health week initiative at work this guy ad a group of us in the Seminar Room extolling the virtues of meditation and how over the next hour not only would we visualise relaxing near  flowing waterfall, we would leave the room feeling like we were there.

Ten minutes in I visualised myself pushing his hippie-ass off the waterfall and promptly made a hasty retreat back to my desk.

Still I've had people at work tell me it's worth persevering so I'm willing to give it another shot.

I should also mention that I decided 2011 would be the year I learned to play golf properly. And, as I have it on good authority that hitting a tiny ball with a big stick is good for stress relief, I figured I'd tie this in with meditation.

So everyone, after me: ummmmmmmmmmmmmm