Today, I worship the God of Oven...

Having successfully - I think, how do you tell? - feng shui-ed the major rooms of my house I decided that this week my attention will be on feng shui for better health.  The first step is applying the techniques I've already learned to the two main centres for health in the home: the kitchen and the bathroom. This is timely as both my kitchen and bathroom are in desperate need of a good clean but as everyone knows you don't do both of them in the same day - too much work.

So the kitchen it is. Ideally, the kitchen should face either South or East when you enter it which are the directions for light and wind: mine faces north so I'm backwards from the start. Despite this, the kitchen is an easy room to keep in balance as it is a predominantly 'fire' room but because of the cupboards (wood), utensils (metal), earthenware (earth) and the plumbing (water) all five elements converge to provide one harmonious location.

The Chinese believe there is a God of Oven to protect the people of the house and therefore always treat their ovens with respect e.g. there are no cloths hanging over it and the oven is never placed near the toilet...

Who puts their oven near the toilet??? I know my house is the size of a matchbox but even the builders managed to keep the kitchen and toilet separate.

So how does one appease this almighty God of Oven? Thankfully he/she doesn't believe in human sacrifice so that's a relief but there are a number of other requirements that must be met:

• keep the oven and surrounding area clean and hygienic
• ensure good chi is circulating i.e. no clutter!
• do not have your oven in line with the front door
• do not have you oven under the window: if this can't be rectified, cook with the blinds / curtains closed
• do not place your oven directly next to the fridge or sinks as 'water' puts out the 'fire.' If this can't be helped hang green crystals in between the two to act as a moderator

One final thing to note: the God of Oven is a modest being, so if your kitchen is visible from the main entrance of your home erect a screen or hang a curtain of green beads. If this isn't possible, consider placing a large crystal geode in the living room to draw attention.

Right, well I'd best duck off to find a crystal geode to avert the eyes from the shrine of the God of Oven: my cooking can be worrisome at the best of times, I don't need to endure the wrath of a God to make it worse!

I hope there isn't a God of the Toilet....